Killer Joe (2011) ***1/2

 

I like a good neo-noir as much as the next guy. And I don't mind them being trashy. John McNaughton's lurid 1998 film “Wild Things” is one of my favorites. It turns out, though, that I have my limits when it comes to trashiness, and as good as it is, the southern gothic “Killer Joe” pushes those limits.

Adele Smith is a thorn in the side of her family. Her kids, Chris (Emile Hirsch) and Dottie (Juno Temple), and her ex-husband, Ansel (Thomas Hayden Church), can't stand her. Her latest transgression is stealing cocaine that Chris was supposed to sell, putting him in serious debt to his supplier. It's the last straw. Chris visits his dad with a plan. He has heard about a dirty cop named Joe Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) who does murder-for-hire. Chris convinces Ansel that they can have Adele killed and have Dottie collect as the beneficiary on her insurance policy. That should give them more than enough to pay Joe's fee and split a nice profit amongst the family.

It's a straitforward plan, except that Joe doesn't take jobs on spec. Dealing with the kind of people he does, it makes sense that he would be more of a cash-up-front operator. Joe takes a shine, however, to Dottie, and agrees to do the job in exchange for her favors. Dottie actually likes Joe, and soon he's like a member of the family, hanging around the trailer, spending nights with Dottie, and preparing to murder Adele. The family's various white-trash entanglements and general stupidity, however, get in the way of a smoothly-running plan.

This is actually a tightly-crafted tale of murder and deception, neo-noir at its best. The Smith clan are a sordid enough bunch that, other than Dottie, it should be hard to feel sorry for any of them. Solid acting on the parts of Hirsh and Church, however, make it possible to feel symathetic towards even these low-lifes. Joe, however, is really creepy. McConaughey plays Joe as a cool, collected killer, but his wooing of the intellectually disabled Dottie has an ick factor that is off the charts. Between Joe's weird, domineering seduction style and the gratuitous violence in the film, this is not something to watch on a full stomach.

At the end of the day, “Killer Joe” is a perfectly-paced black-comedy thriller. It's too lurid by half, but a great narrative and great acting make it required viewing for the neo-noir fan who can stomach it.

3.5 stars out of 5

The Ghost and The Darkness (1996) **

Memory plays tricks on you, some big, and some small. In this case, I could have sworn that the name of this movie was “The Ghost IN the Darkness.” It makes sense. But the title is “The Ghost AND The Darkness,” because the African and Indian workers who were terrorized by a pair of man-eating lions in this tale named one of the lions The Ghost and one of them The Darkness.

The story is set in Kenya, in 1898. British Lt. Col John Henry Patterson (Val Kilmer) is an engineer sent to build a railroad bridge over the Tsavo River. Under his capable command, things go swimmingly until a pair of man-eating lions start killing off his workers. Construction grinds to a halt, and all of Patterson's energies become consumed by trying to kill the lions. The beasts really come to seem evil spirits, as they repeatedly evade Patterson's traps and feed on his workers. Even a famous American hunter (Michael Douglas) is stymied by the lions.

The true story is fascinating, but the movie is a hot mess. Val Kilmer was in the middle of a divorce and fresh off the legendary disaster that was “The Island of Dr. Moreau.” He just looks exhausted, and while that sometimes fits his character, it mostly just leaves us with bad acting of a bad script. Michael Douglas does the best he can with the cringey lines he has to recite, but there is only so much you can do with a horrible script. Screenwriter William Goldman is known for wonderful films like “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” and “The Princess Bride,” but with “The Ghost and The Darkness,” he takes an amazing true story and mangles it. Even director Stephen Hopkins admitted the film “was a mess... I haven't been able to watch it.”

The historical true story of John Henry Patterson and the lions is one outrageous tale. Those two cats really did manage to stymie the efforts of the British Empire for a brief period. The number of men they killed is unknown. Patterson, in his book “The Man-Eaters of Tsavo,” claims the number was 135. The railroad company only verified 28 deaths. Either way, the terror they created was undeniable, and it remains one of the most notorious examples of man-eating behavior in wild animals. Patterson killed both lions himself, without the help of any fictitious American hunter (sorry, Michael Douglas), and their stuffed remains are on display at Chicago's Field Museum of Natural History. It remains a mystery why these two cats developed such a taste for human flesh. Almost as big a mystery is how a legendary screenwriter and a couple of talented actors turned this amazing true story into such a mess.

2 stars out of 5

Tammy and the T-Rex (1994) ***

 

Before "The Velocipastor," there was “Tammy and the T-Rex,” a goofy, bizarre, and delightful dinosaur-themed movie about teenage love and weird science. A baby-faced Paul Walker (7 years before “The Fast and the Furious”) plays Michael, a high-school football star. A run-in with some hoodlums and a mad scientist leads to Michael's brain being installed in an animatronic T-Rex, and it is up to his girlfriend Tammy (Denise Richards) to save him.

This is a pure cult classic. The story goes that Director Stewart Raffill was approached by a theme park owner who had gotten his hands on an animatronic dinosaur. The T-Rex was scheduled to be shipped to Texas in 2 weeks, and the guy suggested they try to make a movie with it first. In record time, Raffill wrote a script around the beast and filmed a low-budget movie.

Is it good? Well, that depends on your expectations. It's really dumb, but I found it silly, funny, and an unmitigated good time. You may recognize Terry Kiser from “Weekend at Bernie's” as the mad scientist, and he actually classes the film up a bit, as does J. Jay Saunders as the black sheriff, named Sheriff Black. Denise Richards can't act her way out of a wet paper sack, but she sure looks good. Paul Walker is not much of a thespian, either, although he doesn't actually get a lot of screen time. That animatronic dinosaur is amazing, though! It really has a lot of movement and expressions, and may be the best actor in the film.

This is not a must-see like, say “UHF” or “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8^th Dimension” or even “The Velocipastor,” but if you dig a goofy cult classic, you can put this one on your list.

3 stars out of 5