The pandemic has meant many things to many people. For me, it has meant working out down in the basement instead of at the gym, which means finding action movies to watch while I work out. You quickly run out of top-tier movies like "Inception"“ and "Edge of Tomorrow."“ Then you re-watch well-worn classics like “Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark” and the silly-but-serviceable “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.” That leaves you with a bunch of questionable options. It was basically down to “The Expendables” or this one, the most recent installment in Harrison Ford's Indiana Jones franchise. I decided I would lose less respect for myself watching this one. I chose...unwisely.
“Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is set in 1957, with Russians taking the place of Nazis as the villains. Led by Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), Soviet agents kidnap Professor Jones in order to get his help obtaining a crystal skull. They believe it is an alien skull with telepathic powers. Jones is aided in his fight against the Commies by a young man named Mutt (Shia LaBeouf). Mutt is a stereotypical '50s greaser, complete with a motorcycle and switchblade, and his mom turns out be be Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), Jones's love interest from “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” Everyone winds up down in Peru, swashbuckling through the jungle.
There is no reason this shouldn't be an awesome action film. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had 19 years to come up with a sequel to “The Last Crusade.” They had a great cast. I mean, if you can't make a good movie with Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett, you should be ashamed. The weakest link in this chain is the writing. The story is just dumb, meandering over a LONG 2 hours to a climax that does not feel worth it. Karen Allen's beautiful smile is welcome, but her character basically just moons over Indiana Jones. It's a real waste. Shia LaBeouf is the other weak link in the film. He was a promising child actor, but he has neither the acting chops nor the charisma to play opposite an actor like Ford.
The Indiana Jones films were meant to be big-budget versions of the old, B-movie, adventure serials. They are fantastical, but they work when they make you believe that Indiana Jones can really do all those crazy stunts. It's mainly Harrison Ford's charisma and commitment to the character that elevate these B-movie copies into classics. We buy it, because Ford sells it. In “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” he just doesn't quite sell it. Honestly, none of the stars seem to really have their hearts in the movie, and the result feels like a cynical attempt to reboot a lucrative cash-cow of a franchise.
Come to think of it, I loved “Raiders” and “The Last Crusade,” but “Temple of Doom,” the second film in the series, was pretty weak. Maybe only the odd-numbered Indiana Jones films are good. If that pattern holds, we should have a lot to look forward to in the newest movie, which will be the fifth in the series, slated for release July 2022.
2 stars out of 5
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