Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) **1/2

I didn't watch this action flick back when it came out, but I wanted a movie to watch while riding the spin bike, so I gave this remake of a 1974 B-movie a go. My soul died a little bit when the opening credits said, “Jerry Bruckheimer Productions.” I mean, the guy is known for the most mindless, explosion-filled action movies made for absolutely the lowest common denominator of moviegoer. Still, I stuck with it, and I will say that at least it got my heart rate up.

Giovanni Ribisi Plays Kip Raines, a car thief who fails to deliver the 50 cars he promised to a ruthless gangster. The gangster agrees to spare his life if Kip's older brother, Memphis (Nicolas Cage), a legendary car thief, delivers the cars by the deadline. This isn't just 50 random cars, mind you, but a list of 50 specific models. Memphis knows that he and Kip can never meet the deadline alone, so he puts together his old team, including Robert Duvall, as Otto the mechanic, and Angelina Jolie, as Sway, Memphis's old girlfriend.

Together with Kip's younger, technologically savvy crew of thieves, the team puts together a plan to boost all the cars in one night, before the police have a chance to figure out what is going on. It's too late for that, though, as Detective Castlebeck (Delroy Lindo), who knows Memphis well, knows that with Memphis back in town, some cars are going to get stolen.

And get stolen they do! The team goes on an absolute orgy of car theft, dodging the police and local thugs. None of it makes a lot of sense. Some of the cars on the list are classics or expensive supercars, but a lot of them are just boring SUVs and luxury sedans. Maybe I just don't understand the stolen-car market. Also, for people who have to steal 50 cars in one night, the team seems to find a lot of time to just hang out and talk. They never display the kind of urgency that I would think fits the situation.

What strikes me the most about “Gone in 60 Seconds” is how shabby the film looks in the light of 2018. When it came out, the trailers made it look like, well, a slick, high-budget, Bruckheimer movie, with an all-star cast. Hell, Angelina Jolie alone had enough star power to open a movie back in 2000, but watching her now, she just looks skinny and skanky, like she smells bad.

These people do drive fast,though, to an upbeat soundtrack, which is perfect for cranking at high resistance on the spin bike. “Gone in 60 Seconds” is not a good movie by any definition, but it's way more fun than an exercise video.

2.5 stars out of 5