Orgazmo (1997) ****

There was a time when being a fan of the work of Trey Parker and Matt Stone made you part of a cool cult. I was part of that cult. I loved “South Park,” and I had seen the little, animated Christmas short that started it all. I also watched Parker and Stone’s first movie, a bizarrely hilarious musical called “Cannibal! The Musical.”

Nowadays, there is nothing cultish about loving Parker and Stone. After achieving Hollywood success with their animated movies “South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut” and “Team America: World Police” the guys have become the toast of Broadway with their critically acclaimed musical “The Book of Mormon.” It’s nice to see them getting the recognition they deserve, but I can’t help missing, just a little, being part of that cool, nerdy cult.

“Orgazmo” hearkens back to those earlier Parker/Stone days, before they had access to big budgets and big studio backing. This is reflected in the film’s NC-17 rating, which is an absolute joke, and reflects the sheer hypocrisy of the MPAA ratings system. I really can’t even say what specifically would have gotten it that rating. The violence is cartoonish, and the sex is WAY less graphic than what you can see in any number of R-rated films. I would bet that if this film had been made under a big studio, it would have been rated “R”, rather than the kiss-of-death NC-17. “Orgazmo” is a movie about porn; it is not itself anything close to a porno. What it is is dead hilarious.

Trey Parker plays Joseph Young (a combination of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, the two most important LDS prophets). Joe and his fellow LDS missionary are walking the streets of L.A., holding their copies of the Book of Mormon and cheerfully getting doors slammed in their faces. When they intrude on a porno shoot, security guards attack them, and Joe regretfully uses his martial arts to defend himself. The porno director takes a look at the strapping, fresh-faced Joe and his fighting skills, and realizes that Joe would be perfect for a superhero porno film. Now of course, no good Mormon boy would normally make a porno, but Joe is desperate to make some money so he can marry his Utah girl in the LDS Temple. With the offer of $20,000 and a promise that he can keep his clothes on (A “stunt cock” will be brought in for all the sex scenes.), a Mormon porn star is born.

Trey Parker is perfection in this role. Joe maintains a sense of shocked revulsion at the pornography, but he can’t help getting into the acting, as evidenced by the superhero voice he uses in his scenes. Matt Stone kills in his goofy role as a photographer. (“I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’, but that’s some hot porn action!”) Michael Dean Jacobs is hilarious as Maxxx Orbison, the director. His frustration with Joe’s prudishness is quite convincing. My favorite “Orgazmo” character, however, is Choda-boy (Dian Bachar), the porn-hero sidekick who is a wealthy inventor when he isn‘t making porn.

“Orgazmo” is not porn, but it is definitely not for everyone. While there isn’t any graphic sex, the discussions about various sex acts are quite graphic. Don’t say you weren’t warned. There are also many for whom the goofy, over-the-top humor just won’t click. For me the movie works, because you have to get in touch with your inner teenager to watch it, but you don’t have to turn off your brain. “Orgazmo” never tries to take itself seriously, so it never stops having fun.

4 stars

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) ****

I never got around to seeing this a few years ago when it was a big sensation and won an Oscar. Lately, though, I’ve been working on my Spanish, so I have put some Spanish language films on the list. “Pan’s Labyrinth” turned out to be a great choice, because the actors speak Spanish more clearly than in some of the other films I have watched. This won’t be an important point for most viewers, but after re-watching “Nine Queens” recently and having a hard time telling for sure that the Argentinean actors were even speaking Spanish, it meant something to me. More important, of course, is that it is a crackin’ good movie.

Guillermo del Toro wrote and directed this dark adult fairy tale in which a young girl named Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) attempts to escape from her miserable circumstances during the Spanish civil war. Ofelia’s widowed mother (Maribel Verdu) has married a captain Vidal (Sergi Lopez), of Franco’s fascist army. Vidal turns out to be a ruthless, viscious leader, intent on rooting out the local resistance fighters by any means necessary. He is dutifully attentive to the needs of Ofelia and her mother, but his only real interest seems to be to have Ofelia’s mother bear him a son, which seems to be necessary for his macho self-image.

Thrust into this physically comfortable but emotionally hostile situation, Ofelia is distracted by a fairy, who leads her into a wooded labyrinth and ultimately to the bottom of a well, where she meets a faun. The faun explains that Ofelia is not the helpless, fatherless girl that she thinks she is. She is actually the re-incarnated daughter of the King of the underworld. If she can complete three dangerous, magical tasks, she can claim her birthright and join her real father. Meanwhile, Ofelia is surrounded by the violence and intrigue of the Spanish Civil War, as her stepfather tightens the clamps on the resistance. Her mother is distracted by a difficult pregnancy, so Ofelia is left to her fairies and her quests.

“Pan’s Labyrinth” is, quite simply, an example of what good filmmaking looks like. Ofelia’s magical world is as visually spectacular as it is creepy. The story is good, and the acting is excellent. Sergi Lopez is particularly chilling as the brutal Captain Vidal. I did find the darker elements of the movie disturbing, and no one should mistake this for a movie for kids. For adults, though, it’s an excellent film, and it will even help you brush up on your Spanish.

4 stars

Cedar Rapids (2011) ***½

When I hear the name Cedar Rapids, Iowa, I tend to think of some backwater, middling, mid-western city. (In fairness, I know nothing about the place.) For Tim Lippe though, Cedar Rapids is very much the big city. A grown man, probably in his forties, Tim has never left the small, farming town where he grew up and has worked his whole adult life as an insurance agent. Beloved by his clients for his honesty and earnestness, he is mostly ignored by his co-workers, and we get the impression that the only sexual experience he has is a current fling with his old junior high school teacher.

When the star salesman at Tim’s agency dies, Tim (Ed Helms) is handed the job of going to Cedar Rapids for a small insurance convention where he will pitch has agency for a prestigious award. Every aspect of this trip, including flying and staying in a hotel for the first time, terrifies Tim. Rube that he is, though, he is generally likeable, so he winds up getting befriended by a wacky trio played by John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, and Isiah Whitlock, Jr. Over a couple of days, these new friends help Tim come out of his shell, even as he learns some ugly truths about the insurance industry.

I didn’t hear a thing about this film during its theatrical release. It was a review of the DVD in “Entertainment Weekly,” suggesting that it was an overlooked gem, that caught my eye. They were right; the movie is charming. It’s pretty silly and over-the-top, but not in an obnoxious, Will Ferrell way. Ed Helms (Andy, from “The Office”) is a comedic genius, and John C. Reilly just knocks it out of the park. Even Anne Heche is funny and surprisingly sexy in this. Fans of the movie “Office Space” may recognize Stephen Root, who played Milton in that film, in a small role. It was also a treat to see Alia Shawkat, who played Maeby on “Arrested Development”. Here she plays a hooker with a heart of gold.

“Cedar Rapids” isn’t going to set a new standard for comedies or engender world peace or anything, but it’s a fun little movie and well worth checking out.

3.5 stars out of 5

24 Hour Party People (2002) ***

I’ve recently become a fan of a couple of geniuses of British comedy, Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan. If the names aren’t familiar, the faces might be. The two have done a ton of work in England, and have both done small roles in a number of U. S. productions. I know Brydon best from his role as Uncle Bryn, in “Gavin and Stacey.” I was less familiar with Coogan until recently, but I recognize his face from movies like “The Other Guys” and “Tropic Thunder.” He actually looks a bit like Eric Idle (Monty Python), but Coogan’s humor is more along the awkward lines of Ricky Gervais.

Now that I’ve talked about these actors’ comedy skills, I have to point out that while they are both in “24 Hour Party People,” it is not, strictly speaking, a comedy. The movie has plenty of humor, but what it is is a rather dizzy portrayal of the 1980’s Manchester music scene, which gave us brilliant bands like Joy Division, New Order, James, and The Happy Mondays. Steve Coogan stars as Tony Wilson, the TV personality who started Factory Records and introduced these bands to a grateful world. He discovered and promoted Joy Division, mourned the suicide of their lead singer, and nurtured the rest of the band as they re-emerged as New Order. He discovered the Happy Mondays, and struggled to get them to stay sober long enough to make some records. While promoting all this great music, he also started the first rave club, The Hacienda, kicking off a worldwide movement. As good as his ear for music was, Wilson was a terrible businessman (according to the film), and he managed not to really make any money out of the whole affair. Still, he made possible a tremendous amount of good music, and he put his hometown of Manchester on the music map.

Watching “24 Hour Party People” is a bit like being at one of Wilson’s raves. The handheld camera work and documentary style are disorienting even if you are familiar with the music. Coogan occasionally breaks character to speak directly to the camera, which takes some getting used to, and they sort of assume that you know these bands and their music. It’s a really fun ride, though. You just have to hold on and let it sweep you along. The one caveat is that this movie is really only for fans of the music. If you have never heard of the bands I mentioned here, then I don’t know that this story will hold any interest.

3 stars

The Other Guys (2010) **

The thing is, you either like Will Ferrell or you don’t. I find him tedious. I can’t say that he has never made me laugh, but his specialty seems to be to do something that is funny for one second, and stretch it out to one minute. His humor shifts tone in ways that I find ugly. If he finds himself doing something that is actually funny, he moves it into some dark place, just to see if the audience will keep laughing. That problem with tone pervades “The Other Guys,” a movie that has a hard time figuring out what kind of comedy it is going to be.

Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg play a couple of cops. They aren’t cool, swaggering cops who catch and kill bad guys in big chase sequences. They are “the other guys,” the desk-jockeys who fill out the paperwork. Wahlberg’s character is chained to a desk because of a mistaken shooting. Ferrell’s character just likes to do paperwork. They finally get out on the street and chase some bad guys when the paperwork puts them on the trail of a Ponzi scheme. In between there’s a lot of ineptly done character development, including a running joke about how Ferrell’s character thinks his gorgeous wife (Eva Mendes) is plain-looking.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I even thought this movie would be worth watching, and the answer is Mark Wahlberg. There’s just something about the guy. I used to think he just played the same character in every movie, but over the years he has won me over. Unfortunately, Wahlberg’s charm is not enough to save this movie.

“The Other Guys” is not completely without laughs. There’s a funny bit where a couple of cops convince Ferrell’s character that in order to fit in he needs to “accidentally” fire his gun inside the station, which they call a “desk pop.” Ferrell screaming, “I need an MRI. I need an MRI.” after an explosion is pretty hilarious as well. Mostly, though, the movie features Ferrell on an entirely too-long leash, going all over the place with his shtick while the film lurches from one nonsensical scene to another. If you find it while flipping through channels in a hotel, it might be worth sitting through, but otherwise, give it a skip.

2 stars out of 5

The Hurt Locker (2008) ****½

I can’t believe I waited so long to see this. I really need to get better about watching these Oscar-nominated movies. “The Hurt Locker” is an Iraq War movie directed by a woman, so I figured it was a real talky, heavy-handed, message movie about how horrible war is, and this war in particular. It’s none of that. This is a fast-paced, edge-of-your-seat action movie that does not suck in any way.

Sgt. James (Jeremy Renner), Sgt. Sanborn (Anthony Mackie), and Specialist Eldridge (Brian Geraghty) form a 3-man Ordinance team, specializing in diffusing the improvised explosive devices (IEDs) that dot the Iraqi landscape. The work is incredibly risky, and on every job the stress level is intensified by the fact that they are watched by loads of Iraqis, most of whom are just curious, but any of whom could be an insurgent with a detonating device.

No “Best Director” Oscar has been more deserving than the one Kathryn Bigelow won for “The Hurt Locker.” In every scene she brings the viewer right into the situation. You really feel the intensity of being in this dusty, claustrophobic place, surrounded by hostile foreigners. Every scene crackles with the possibility of death.

“The Hurt Locker” is not an anti-war movie, but it doesn’t shy away from the contradictions inherent in these modern conflicts. Iraq was easy to invade, but it’s hard to hold. Tasked with rebuilding the country and keeping peace between murderous factions, our soldiers are vulnerable every minute to attack from the people they are trying to help. If they are overly friendly, they may get killed, but if they are too zealous in defending themselves, they wind up hurting some civilians, which is not only bad in itself, but fuels the insurgents‘ cause. This is more mentally exhausting for some men than for others. Specialist Eldridge is in counseling to deal with his guilt over failing to shoot a shopkeeper before the man could detonate a bomb that killed the team’s former leader. If he had hastily killed an innocent shopkeeper, however, he probably would have needed counseling for that, too.

Sergeant James, on the other hand, seems to thrive on the work. It’s like he was born to defuse bombs. In a fascinating conversation with Sgt. Sanborn, he reveals that his coolness under pressure isn’t born of any Zen philosophy or great courage; he simply has less fear than most people. Growing up, he was probably the goofy redneck always pulling crazy stunts. Back home, he’s just another guy with a dangerous penchant for risk-taking, but in war, he is in his element. Towards the close of the film there is a telling scene in which Sgt. James is back home in the grocery store, trying to pick out cereal for his kid, confounded in a way that he never was in Iraq.

“The Hurt Locker” is no message movie; it is not anti-war or pro-war. I can’t say how true-to-life it is. My friends who have served in Iraq tend not to watch movies about it. All I can say is that this is a gripping action movie that deserves a place alongside such films as “Saving Private Ryan” and “Full Metal Jacket” in the cannon of great war movies.

4.5 stars out of 5

Hot Dog (1984) ***

Sports movies are a hit-or-miss proposition. Between the acting and the action, a lot can go wrong. However heavily the film focuses on the sport itself as opposed to the human drama, my opinion is that they have to get the sport right. “Hot Dog” doesn’t get much else right, but this movie really nails the skiing action.

The plot is standard ‘80’s sports drama. Fresh-faced skier Harkin Banks (Patrick Houser) picks up a sexy hitchhiker named Sunny (Tracy Smith) on his way to the big, international, freestyle skiing competition in Squaw Valley, CA. Once there Harkin is befriended by some happy-go-lucky, underdog skiers, and he makes an enemy of the reigning champion, asshole Austrian Rudi Garmisch (John Patrick Reger). The insipid plot continues from there, following the standard formula for these movies. What really makes the movie bad is not the formulaic plot, though, but the acting. It’s like Patrick Houser and Tracy Smith are competing to see who can act worse. Every actor in the movie sucks, with the possible exception of David Naughton, who plays an alcoholic former ski-champ who takes Harkin under his wing. Oh yeah, Shannon Tweed is in this, and while she can’t act either, she does look really good naked.

That brings up one other positive aspect of the movie, the nakedness. I didn’t keep a running count of the bare breasts, Joe Bob Briggs-style, but there’s a fair amount of soft-porn action to distract you from the bad acting.

Ultimately, though, the saving grace of “Hot Dog” is the skiing. They got a talented group of stunt skiers to lay down some seriously sweet extreme skiing. They blast down the backcountry chutes, go off cliffs, and rip up moguls, and it’s all genuine skiing. During the competition scenes, they even have an event called “ballet,” which is pretty much dancing down the slope. I had never seen this before, and it’s way cooler than you would think. I suppose some might ask, “Why not just watch a Warren Miller ski film?”, to which I would respond, “Have you ever seen Shannon Tweed getting her breasts soaped up in a giant tub in a Warren Miller movie?”

1 star for the acting, 5 stars for the skiing, so we’ll settle at 3 stars out of 5.

Play Misty For Me (1971) *

As Clint Eastwood’s directorial debut, this film does not reflect particularly well on him, but I suppose that after this movie he had nowhere to go but up. Eastwood’s work has always been hit or miss for me. “Unforgiven,” and “The Outlaw Josie Wales” are awesome, but in movies like “Million Dollar Baby“ he indulges an entirely unacceptable level of melodrama and sentimentality. “Play Misty For Me” shows these faults at their worst.

Eastwood plays David, a smooth-voiced, late-night radio DJ with a weakness for the ladies and a soft spot in his heart for a blue-eyed artist named Tobie (Donna Mills, sporting a bizarre girl-mullet instead of the gigantic eighties hair for which she is remembered). David lets himself get picked up by a fan named Evelyn (Jessica Walter) for a one night stand that Evelyn forces into a multi-day fling. When Tobie shows back up, David has no interest in seeing Evelyn anymore, but she turns out to be the kind of girl who won’t take “No” for an answer. He tries to be assertive, but he is impotent against Evelyn’s increasingly crazy, clingy, and ultimately violent behavior, which winds up putting his career, his life, and everyone he cares about in danger.

It’s all very reminiscent of “Fatal Attraction.” To be fair, “Play Misty for Me” came first, but that’s the only advantage this movie has. The sad thing is, none of the actors deserved this movie. Everybody does a pretty decent job with their character, even Clint Eastwood, who basically plays the same squinty-eyed stoic he always plays. Jessica Walters even does pretty well as the Borderline Personality Disordered Evelyn. The problem here isn’t the acting, it’s the movie itself. The plot is painfully obvious, lumbering along as it does toward the terrible acts of violence that you can see coming miles away, but before you get to them you have to suffer through endless, schmaltzy, soft-focus love scenes between David and Tobie.

Even for a Clint Eastwood fan, this would be a good one to skip. Re-watch “Fatal Attraction” instead.

1 star

Being John Malkovich (1999) ****1/2

I had forgotten what a brilliant, hilarious piece of work this is. I remembered the weirdness, the puppeteering, Catherine Keener’s bitchiness, but what grabbed me this second time around is that this movie is hilarious. Hilarious and cool as shit.

John Cusack plays Craig Schwarz, an incredibly talented puppeteer in a world where there just isn’t much demand for that sort of thing. He takes a job as a file clerk for a company located on the 8 & 1/2 floor of a building, a half-sized floor that boasts cheap rent, but forces everyone to walk hunched over. Craig meets and falls pathetically for Maxine (Catherine Keener). He would gladly leave his mousy wife Lotte (Cameron Diaz) and her menagerie of pets for Maxine, but she is completely disinterested. That all changes when Craig discovers, behind a file cabinet, a hidden tunnel that leads into the actor John Malkovich’s mind. Anyone who crawls into the tunnel gets to see the world through Malkovich’s eyes for 15 minutes, before being dumped into the grass next to the New Jersey turnpike.

Maxine isn’t any more interested in the scientific or philosophical implications of this tunnel than she is in dating a puppeteer, but she immediately sees the monetary potential in being able to charge people for the opportunity to “be” John Malkovich. While she and Craig rake in the cash, Maxine falls in love with Lotte, but only when Lotte is in Malkovich’s body. Would you believe me if I said it gets even weirder from there?

“Being John Malkovich” is simply a wonderfully funny movie, and a wild ride. It manages to warp the viewer’s sense of reality without resorting to any of the cheap tricks that plague “head trip” movies. It isn’t all a dream, or a hallucination, or somebody’s fantasy. In the best science fiction tradition, the filmmaker creates a bizarre, new, technological possibility, then has interesting, fully realized characters negotiate that possibility. The result is engrossing and hilarious.

4.5 stars out of 5

A Quantum of Solace (2008) ***

It’s nice to know there are some things in this world you can count on. The James Bond formula is one of them. Start with the opening credits over some lame, mildly titillating graphics, then kick the movie off immediately with an action sequence. Then Bond reports to M for some gentle scolding about “crossing the line,” and we’re off on another disposable adventure with Agent 007 and some nifty gadgets. It took me a while to get around to this latest (and so far last) installment, but there’s really no urgency to this sort of thing. It isn’t like people I know are going to be talking about the movie and ruin the plot for me!

Truth is, it’s a waste of time to summarize the plot of a Bond film. Suffice to say that Daniel Craig is once again ruggedly handsome and sufficiently deadly as 007. I really do like his hard-edged take on Bond, and I hope he will get to do a couple more of the films. The action in “Quantum of Solace” is pretty much standard-issue Bond. There’s a car chase, boat chase, plane chase, you get the picture. They don’t waste a lot of time on fancy gadgets in this one, which is refreshing. Bond just relies on his wits, his gun, his fists, and his cellphone. For Bond girls this go-round we get Gemma Arterton, who is rather uninspiring as Strawberry Fields, although she does meet her end in a very nice homage to an earlier Bond film. Fortunately, the main Bond-babe is the amazing-looking Olga Kurylenko, who tints her skin to play a part-Latina assassin.

One disappointment about the modern-day Bond movies is the lack of memorable villains. From the Timothy Dalton movies on, I can’t name or describe a single bad guy. I generally just recall a bunch of vaguely greasy characters involved in things like terrorism, environmental degradation, or global corporate conspiracies. Yawn. Give me a one-eyed guy with a cat any day. Even better, give me Goldfinger, the best Bond villain ever.

For a while it looked like financial problems at MGM might make this the last Bond movie, at least for a while. Fortunately, a deal with Sony has resurrected the series, with the next movie release planned for 2012. Will they finally create a villain half as interesting as Daniel Craig’s Bond? We should be so lucky.

3 stars.