The Thing (2011) ***

 

Prequels are, by nature, highly constrained. A sequel may have to start with what happened in the past, but it is free to take any path it wants into the future. A prequel to a movie, on the other hand, has to make sure that everything that occurs leads (hopefully logically) to what we know takes place in the original film. Despite these limitations, producers Marc Abraham and Eric Newman made the right decision when they chose to update John Carpenter's 1982 classic "The Thing" by making a prequel. First, it would have been a travesty to remake the original, which is perfect as it is. Second, this is not a movie that demanded a sequel. The ending was perfect, and while it is possible to imagine a sequel, I cannot imagine one being anything other than a blight on the legacy of the original. The real untold story here, as Abraham and Newman realized, is, “What happened with that Norwegian team that found the Thing before it wandered into Kurt Russell's camp.” With writer Eric Heisserer and director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr, they managed to fill in that backstory in a way that mostly works, and which certainly does not sully the original.

If you are a fan of John Carpenter's film (and you should be), you may recall that it starts with a husky running through the snow, chased by a helicopter bearing the Norwegian flag. 2011's “The Thing” rewinds the clock to tell us how a couple of Norwegians wound up trying to murder a dog, and how their camp got into the state in which Kurt Russell's character finds it.

With a team of Danish and Norwegian actors, van Heijningen portrays a scientific team that discovers a flying saucer buried in the ice, and nearby, also frozen, they find something that might have been the pilot! They recruit some American researchers, including paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), to help them excavate the creature, which turns out to have some surprises for them.

John Carpenter's “The Thing” is a masterpiece of dread, perfectly-paced, and punctuated by a thrumming score by Ennio Morricone. There is no way van Heijningen's film was going to top that, and it does not have to. All it has to do is entertainingly tell the story of the Norwegian camp, which it ably does. This film lacks the humor of the original, and I would say that scenes in this film sometimes seem to be tracking similar scenes from the original. All in all, though, this is a serviceable prequel. Now the big question, one that is very familiar to Star Wars fans, is this: Now that a prequel exists, how should new viewers approach the franchise: in chronological order or in order of release? In this case, there is no question. A new viewer should watch John Carpenter's “The Thing” first, then 2011's “The Thing.” John Carpenter's film introduces the horror incrementally, slowly revealing what is going on as the characters learn it, and you do not want to rob yourself of that experience.

3 stars out of 5

(John Carpenter's “The Thing” earned 5 stars)

30 Days of Night (2007) **1/2

 

It's fair to say that vampires are hardly under-represented in Hollywood lore. Since 1922's “Nosferatu,” the blood-sucking undead have been a Hollywood staple. We've seen vampires in every flavor you can imagine: scary, funny, sexy, ugly, you name it. So what innovation does “30 Days of Night” bring to the table? Well, in most vampire movies, the characters just have to survive the night. If they can make it to morning, the sun will rise, the vampires will be forced into hiding, and the good guys get a chance to regroup. But what about the arctic, the Land of the Midnight Sun, the flip side of which is mid-day darkness in winter?

“30 Days of Night” is set in Barrow, now called Utquiagvik, the most northerly town in Alaska. The town is preparing for the darkest part of winter, when the sun doesn't rise for weeks. Sheriff Eben Oleson (Josh Hartnett) starts getting a lot of strange calls. Someone has sabotaged the town's communications and helicopter, leaving everyone stuck there incommunicado during a period when no one generally is able to enter or leave. Soon, the dark city is beset by vampires, and with sunrise weeks away, the townsfolk have no choice but to hide or fight.

This film does some things right, but it also gets a lot wrong. For one thing, it isn't just 30 days. The sun sets in Utquiagvik around November 18^th each year and does not rise again until January 22^nd. I guess “64 Days of Night” didn't have the same ring to it. I'll give them artistic license on that. The bigger complaint is that the way the film is put together, you really get little sense of the whole vampire reign of terror lasting even a month. One scene hops right to the next, and it really feels like the film takes place in one night. That's a missed opportunity, as this film's one original idea is the whole endless night situation.

All that said, this is not actually all that bad a horror film. The vampires are truly scary, and they speak a cool, Eastern-European sounding vampire language. The acting is decent for this type of film, and I generally enjoyed the movie, which is based on a comic series. It might be interesting to watch this back-to-back with Christopher Nolan's 2002 film, “Insomnia,” which is set during the Alaskan summer.

2.5 stars out of 5

The Empty Man (2020) **

 

The story of this film's creation is almost more interesting, and scarier, than the actual movie. Based on a graphic novel, the film was adapted and directed by David Prior, who started shooting back in 2016. Production was delayed a number of times, due to things like weather and studio politics. Around the time Prior was ready to finish the film, 20^th Century Fox got bought out by Disney, and Prior went through a couple of cycles of being rushed by the studio, then being ignored. He had to rush out a version for a test screening, which went horribly, then the studio tried to edit together their own version of the film before handing it back to Prior. Finally completed, the film sat on the shelf for a couple of years. Disney ultimately released it during the pandemic, and it screened for mostly empty theaters. Audiences and critics alike hated it, and the film seemed destined to die in obscurity. In a year when there just aren't many new movies available, however, the film found an audience on streaming services, and it has become something of a cult movie.

The story is about a detective who discovers a secret cult who worship an entity they call “the Empty Man.” The Empty Man can be summoned by blowing on a bottle near a bridge, and he may be the explanation for the deaths of several local teens. But before all that, there's a piece about some hikers in the Himalayas, who stumble upon a deadly curse.

The problem with “The Empty Man” is that it is really 3 movies, and they don't fit together very well. The first half hour, in the Himalayas, is actually a pretty cool, horror short all on its own. Then they abruptly shift to the story of the detective, and it's a pretty typical, derivative horror flick about teens daring each other to summon a murderous entity. Then it segues into the final section, about a secret cult. This is the most intriguing part, as it delves some into the warped-Buddhist, nihilistic philosophy of the cult, and there's an interesting twist to the story. Unfortunately, these 3 story lines are not knitted together well, and they amount to a run time of 2 hours 17 minutes, which is just way more of my life than this film deserves. I feel like there is a good movie in there somewhere, and director David Prior was never given the chance to piece it together. If he were given the opportunity to come back in and edit this thing, separate the wheat from the chaff, and get it down to about 100 minutes, he might come up with a movie that would leave me feeling less, well, empty.

2 stars out of 5

Collateral (2004) ***

 

Michael Mann has not actually directed that many movies, but the ones he has done tend to be pretty good, including “Heat” and “Manhunter.” He may be best known for the TV show, “Miami Vice.” Clearly, this is a guy who knows how to make a tightly-wound, crime thriller. I didn't know “Collateral” was a Michael Mann movie when I clicked on it, though. I just liked the premise.

That premise is that a cab driver (Jamie Foxx) is forced to drive a hit-man (Tom Cruise) around L.A. all night as the killer executes a series of contracts. By the end of the night, they get to know each other pretty well.

It's a fairly simple story that shines because of a terrific cast. Cruise and Foxx are perfect, and they get a hand up from supporting players Mark Ruffalo and Jada Pinkett Smith. The movie is classy, atmospheric, and, honestly, kind of forgettable. I found it on Netflix, read the description, clicked Play, and was about 5 minutes in before I realized I had seen it before. I went ahead and re-watched and enjoyed it, and I'm not sure what says more about the film: that I enjoyed the second viewing or that I had so thoroughly forgotten about the first. I guess I'm going to have to damn this movie with faint praise. “Collateral” isn't perfect, but there is nothing seriously wrong with it. It's just good, popcorn-level entertainment. In these pandemic days of limited new movie options, there is nothing wrong with that.

3 stars out of 5

The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) *****

 

When Judd Apatow made “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” he was not the famous, bankable powerhouse of a director and producer that he is now. He did have a certain amount of cred from his shows “Freaks & Geeks” and “Undeclared,” both short-lived but beloved shows with cult followings. He had even more Hollywood capital after helping produce 2004's “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy,” which was a critical and commercial success. Apatow was impressed by Steve Carell in the Anchorman movie, and Apatow and Carell wound up getting together to write “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” Apatow's first film to direct.

Carell plays the titular virgin, Andy, a sweet, but socially-stunted guy who lives alone and fills his time with nerdy hobbies like collecting action figures. Andy's co-workers at the electronics store consider him a non-entity, but when they learn he is a virgin, they vow to get him laid. The project is full of misadventures, including chest-waxing and a trans prostitute, but the guys do bring Andy out of his shell and allow him to meet Trish (Catherine Keener).

In any rational world, this would be considered a dumb premise for a dumb movie with a dumb title, but “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” is an absolute classic. Why is this? Great writing and great comic acting. Every scene is memorable and quotable, from the speed-dating vignette to the conversation about getting high, getting the munchies, and watching “Gandhi.” The film is raunchy and mostly silly, but it has a heart.

There are no wasted characters in an Apatow film. Co-stars Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and Romany Malco are all hilarious, but even small roles in this film give the actors a chance to shine. The list of memorable supporting players includes Leslie Mann, Elizabeth Banks, and Jane Lynch. Jonah Hill even makes a tiny, one-scene role memorable.

The films runs pretty long, as do all of Apatow's films, but it doesn't feel long. Truth be told, there probably are several scenes that don't really do anything to move the story along, which could have been cut in the interests of time. A couple of these scenes haven't aged particularly well, including one where Paul Rudd's character, tired of seeing the same Michael McDonald concert playing on all the TVs, threatens to shoot everyone in the store. Mostly, though, the movie is a delight from start to finish, and well worth your two hours. I've lost track of how many times I have watched it, but I know there will be many more!

5 stars out of 5

Vacation Friends (2021) ***

 

Marcus (Lil Rel Howery, from “Get Out”) and Emily (Yvonne Orji, from the show “Insecure”) are a fairly straitlaced, upwardly-mobile couple who get engaged on their vacation in Mexico. Ron (John Cena) and Kyla (Meredith Hagner) witness the proposal and offer to help these complete strangers celebrate. The couples could not be more different. Marcus and Emily, who are black, plan everything carefully, considering the consequences of everything they do. Ron and Kyla, who are white, fly by the seat of their pants, assuming everything will work out. With their laid-back attitudes and their cocaine-laced margaritas, they help Marcus and Emily relax and really enjoy their vacation. The couples wind up becoming as close as you can on a one-week vacation.

Then, it's back to the real world and the lead-up to Marcus and Emily's wedding. The affair is fraught with the usual family stresses. In this case, Emily's family disapproves of Marcus, who comes from a poorer, less refined background, even though he has worked hard and built his own construction company. Despite the tensions, the wedding is set to go off without a hitch until, you guessed it, those old vacation friends show up. Hijinks ensue!

A friend once told me he would love to see a movie where a wacky white person invades the world of a bunch of straitlaced black people and teaches them how to be cool. We've seen the flip side of that a million times, often starring someone like Eddie Murphy or Chris Tucker. “Vacation Friends” is the movie that goes there, flipping the racial script on a familiar story that isn't really about race at all.

Does it work? Yeah, actually, despite the usual ludicrous plot points that we expect in a film like this, “Vacation Friends” winds up being a fun time. That's largely on the merits of the excellent cast, especially John Cena. Anyone who is surprised that professional wrestlers make good actors has never seen professional wrestling. Cena is just the latest in a long line of wrestlers to go from acting in the ring to acting in movies, and I have to say, the guy has a lot of personality. His sheer joy at being alive invites us to drop our expectations and just laugh at the ridiculousness of this otherwise hackneyed film.

“Vacation Friends” was filmed in fits and starts during the pandemic. Given the ongoing worldwide shitshow, they just released it straight to streaming this summer, which wound up being perfect! I would have found the movie underwhelming in a cinema, and under a normal release schedule, I probably would have forgotten about it by the time it hit the streaming services. As it was, seeing the trailer online and then getting to watch it immediately in the comfort of my home? Perfection!

I'm always looking for a deeper meaning in movies where none exists, and “Vacation Friends” made me think this: Maybe a vacation shouldn't just be an escape, destined to end in one or two weeks with a return to the same rut you were in before. Maybe getting away from the house and job should be a chance to change and grow. Maybe what happens on vacation shouldn't stay on vacation!

3 stars out of 5

Our Idiot Brother (2011) ****

 

Paul Rudd plays Ned, a laid-back organic farmer with a big heart and a dog named Willie Nelson. Ned goes to jail for selling weed to a uniformed police officer (The cop did say he was having a rough week.), and his simple life falls apart. His hippie girlfriend (Kathryn Hahn) won't take him back when he is released, and to add insult to injury, she insists on keeping Willie Nelson. A defeated-by-life Ned turns to his family. As the title suggests, Ned's 3 sisters (Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel, and Emily Mortimer) think he's an idiot, which he is. We soon learn, though, that each of them is an idiot in her own way.

“Our Idiot Brother” is a delight in the same way that "Wanderlust" is; not a coincidence, considering that it features a couple of the same comic geniuses, namely Paul Rudd and Kathryn Hahn. The comedy is goofy and fun, and the story never tries to take more sentimental liberties than it has earned. The supporting cast includes T.J. Miller and the brilliant Steve Coogan, and no one phones it in. The movie was directed by Jesse Peretz, who wrote the screenplay with his sister, Evgenia. Peretz is not a household name, but he has directed shows like “Girls” and “High Fidelity” (the TV version), as well as the excellent movie, "Juliet, Naked."  This movie may not quite reach the comedic perfection of “Wanderlust,” but it's a ton of fun that holds up to repeat viewings.

4 stars out of 5

Stranger Than Fiction (2006) ****

 

This is another movie that snuck by me back when it came out. Truth is, it took me a while to warm up to Will Ferrell. He always seemed to stretch his jokes out a couple of beats too long. So, back in the 'oughts, I wasn't actively avoiding Will Ferrell movies, but I wasn't actively seeking them out, either. Turns out this is one I should have watched.

Ferrell plays Harold Crick, a strait-laced, regimented, single man who works for the IRS. With a rain-man-like capacity for numbers, Harold quietly counts everything, and he does everything the same way from day to day. He sounds like a character in a book, which is exactly what he is. Harold is the main character in the latest project by author Karen Eiffel (Emma Thompson), who is suffering writer's block.

What interrupts Harold's quiet existence is that he starts to hear Karen's narration in his head. He, of course, thinks he is going crazy at first, and a psychiatrist agrees, but Harold correctly guesses that his problem is literary, not psychiatric. He seeks help from the most obvious source, a professor of literature (Dustin Hoffman). Meanwhile, the “plot” of Harold's life brings him a love interest in the form of Maggie Gyllenhaal, but also a shock, as his narrator casually mentions his impending death.

Over the years, I have to come to appreciate Will Ferrell's comedy, but “Stranger Than Fiction” proves that he has some serious dramatic chops. It would have been tempting to either tip too far into pathos with Harold or to ham it up and do typical Will Ferrell gags. Instead, he plays Harold with restraint and subtlety, creating a seriously great, everyman character in the midst of an existential crisis. Ferrell gets a hand up, of course, from an outstanding supporting cast. Thompson, Gyllenhaal, and Hoffman would bring class to any project, and Queen Latifah and Tony Hale (from “Arrested Development”) bring the goods as well.

Writer Zach Helm has created here a very Gogol-esque story in that Harold's circumstances seem quite absurd, but actually stand in for everyone's life. Harold discovers that his fate is not his own, and he desperately reaches out to his creator for mercy. Like Harold,we are each the hero of our own story, and every one of those stories is both a comedy and a tragedy.

4 stars out of 5

28 Days Later (2002) ****1/2

 

I think that I may not have seen this film since it came out, almost 20 years ago. It has aged remarkably well, and it remains one of the classic zombie movies.

The story starts with a group of animal-rights activists, who break into a primate research lab. They release a chimp, ignoring a scientist's warning that the animals are infected with “rage.” 28 days later, a coma patient named Jim (Cillian Murphy) wakes up alone in a locked hospital room. The place is deserted, and he wanders outside to find London similarly empty. Soon enough, he learns that the city is not totally abandoned. Lurking here and there are twisted, infected people full of blind, murderous rage. They cannot talk, but they can run. Jim finds a small group of survivors with whom to try to escape the city and the infected.

The biggest innovation in zombie lore since brain-eating is the advent of zombies that run fast instead of lurching along in the traditional slow-but-relentless manner. “28 Days Later” is known for its fast zombies, and I have always thought of it as the first “fast zombie” movie, but the internet says that isn't right. Apparently, 1985's “Return of the Living Dead” featured running zombies, and before that, there was an Italian movie called “Nightmare City.” There are also those who will point out that “28 Days Later” stretches the definition of zombies, in that the infected are not actually dead, and, to be fair, the word “zombie” is never used in the film. (For that matter, the word is never used in "Night of the Living Dead," either.) Nonetheless, “28 Days Later” revived the zombie movie, and its sprinting infected are among the most memorable in the genre.

The movie is not a classic simply because its zombies can run. Directed by the great Danny Boyle (“Shallow Grave” “Trainspotting”), the film is tautly crafted from beginning to end. We actually do not see all that much of the infected. Instead, the story depends on its main characters (with strong performances from Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris), and on how they and other survivors react to the epidemic. As in all the best horror films, we see that regular people can be just as monstrous as the monsters.

4.5 stars out of 5

Walk of Shame (2014) ***

 

This was a random Netflix offering that I clicked on because it stars Elizabeth Banks, and I was tired of scrolling through looking for something to watch. It turned out to be pretty entertaining!

Banks Plays Meghan Miles, a local news anchor with national aspirations. When she gets passed over for a nationwide anchor spot, it hits her hard, so she and her friends hit the bar, hard. Meghan winds up going home with the bartender. She wakes in the wee hours and sneaks out of his apartment, only to find that 1) Her car, with her purse inside, has been towed, and 2) She forgot her phone in the guy's apartment, the number of which she can't recall. She does manage to check her voice mail, discovering that the anchorwoman job is back in the mix. In high heels and a slutty dress, she has to make her way across L.A., with no money, phone, or ID. Hijinks ensue!

There's nothing outstanding about “Walk of Shame.” It's just a fun, funny movie that reminds me quite a bit of the 1985 film “After Hours.” Elizabeth Banks is charming and gorgeous, as are Gillian Jacobs and Sarah Wright, who play her friends. Actually, the supporting cast is strong all around, including Willie Garson (from “Sex & the City”) and Da'Vone McDonald (from “Forgetting Sarah Marshal”).

Underneath the comedy, there's a commentary here about how we judge and treat people based on profiling. Meghan is a solid citizen with a good job, but after-hours on the streets of L.A., in a short dress, she looks like a hooker. Without money or her fancy car, she finds herself in need of an act of kindness from a stranger, but citizens and cops alike treat her like they think a hooker deserves to be treated. Meanwhile, the reason Meghan gets another shot at the news job is that the network discovers some racy pictures of her rival. “Walk of Shame” doesn't shove it in your face, but at its core, this is a movie about slut-shaming.

If you wonder why you missed this movie the first time around, it's because it flopped at the box office, and critics hated it. Maybe I'm just swayed by Elizabeth Banks' looks, but I thought it was decently entertaining. I think some critics mistook the satire of sexism for actual sexism. Anyway, “Walk of Shame” is no “Citizen Kane,” but it's a fun time, and nothing to be ashamed of.

3 stars out of 5